Paramavaiṣṇava The Capitalist (A Play)
A Deranged Bhajan-Blasting Bhakti-Bollywood Burlesque in Four Acts Play
Inspired by
Characters
Atheist (AT): An agnostic, sceptic. In public domain, he is branded as atheist, Urban Naxal, woke, member of the Tukre Tukre Gang. A styled as a Gully Boy rapper meets Munna Bhai, wielding a Molotov-Gita and spitting rhymes with “Gandhigiri” flair. He is also an author and a member of OBMA. He is styled as a Guide protagonist with Munna Bhai’s heart, shackled in neon data cords, wielding a typewriter that shoots sparks, confetti, and rubber ducks.
Hindutvavadi Santana Bhakt (SB): A buffoonish Hindutvavadi styled as a Sholay villain with Circuit’s loyalty, casteist when it pays, spiritual when it’s trending, clutching a diamond-encrusted Gita app.
Vaishnava Bard: Sutradhara(“thread-holder” refers to the stage manager or narrator in Sanskrit drama),Viveka (conscience, a super-ego as found in Bangla Jatrapala/indigenous theatre ) A deranged poet styled as a Devdas tragic hero with Lucky’s radio DJ swagger, mocking corporate dharma with melodramatic sobs and bubble-bursting glee.
Chorus of Ghosts: Gandhi, Narsinh Mehta, and 6,15,000 DHFL victims, a neon-lit Bhootnath ghost ensemble with Lage Raho Munna Bhai’s Gandhi, wielding inflatable Gitas and “Gandhigiri” flowers.
Judge SLAPPavati Devi: A corporate stooge styled as a Singham villainess, in a sequined robe, chugging “Moksa Mojitos” from a chalice shaped like a stock ticker.
Paramavaiṣṇava: A smug oligarch styled as a Baahubali anti-hero, in a suit with a 20-foot saffron tie that doubles as a disco ball.
Prosecutor Janadhikaran: A rabid advocate styled as a Jai Ho dancer, with a bedazzled megaphone that shoots bubbles, breakdancing like a Bollywood star.
Defense Lawyer Legalswami A disco-ball lawyer styled as a Dabangg sidekick with Circuit’s loyalty, with a “SLAPP Daddy” cape that spews fog, moonwalking with a rubber chicken.
Chief Justice Paramavaishṇava A cyber-saffron judge styled as a Robot villain, with robotic arms, glowing eyes, and a wig that shoots fireworks.
Government Counsel: A glitchy AI drone shaped like a gold Krishna statue with googly eyes, styled as a Chandni Chowk to China prop, spewing charges in a chipmunk voice.
Police Guards: Cyber-clowns in LED riot gear styled as Dhoom goons, wielding selfie-stick bazookas that fire glitter, bubbles, and inflatable bananas.
Saffron Supremo: A Singham-style politico with Munna Bhai’s swagger, voguing in slow-motion with a confetti microphone, shouting “Gandhigiri Murbad!” like a Bollywood hero.
Costumes (Bollywood archetypes with Lage Raho Munna Bhai flair):
Atheist (AT) A punk-rock rebel styled as a Gully Boy rapper meets Munna Bhai, in a tie-dye kurta with “TRUTH OR BUST” in glowing neon, disco-ball sunglasses, and a Gita shaped like a Molotov cocktail with LED flames, carrying a “Gandhigiri” megaphone that blasts “Jai Shri Ram” remixes.
Hindutvavadi Santana Bhakt (SB): A saffron-clad villain styled as a Sholay antagonist with Circuit’s bumbling loyalty, in a sequined kurta with blinking LED peacock feathers, a gold-plated smartwatch that shoots confetti, and an iPhone encrusted with plastic diamonds, delivering lines with dramatic slow-motion head turns.
Vaiṣṇava Bard: A deranged poet styled as a Devdas-esque tragic hero with Lucky’s radio DJ swagger from Lage Raho Munna Bhai, in a tattered kurta with “Karma Inc. Bankruptcy Sale” in glitter, wielding a bedazzled ektara that doubles as a kazoo, bubble gun, and “Gandhigiri” radio mic.
Chorus of Ghosts (Gandhi, Narsinh Mehta, DHFL Victims): Glow-in-the-dark robes with LED wigs flashing “404: Dharma Not Found,” styled as a Bhootnath ghost ensemble meets Lage Raho Munna Bhai’s Gandhi, waving signs like “Moksa = Money Laundering” and wielding inflatable Gitas that double as “chemical locha” balloons.
Courtroom Characters: Cartoonish suits with 10-foot saffron bowties that light up, judges in robes with blinking LED logos spelling “SLAPP” like a Singham villain, and lawyers with briefcases that explode with glitter, rubber chickens, and “Gandhigiri” flowers.
Political Caricatures (Bollywood-inspired):
Saffron Supremo: A Singham-style politico with Munna Bhai’s swagger, with an oversized beard, saffron turban with flashing LED stars, and a giant microphone that spews confetti, voguing in slow-motion fight scenes and shouting “Gandhigiri Murabad!”
Mr. Paramavaishṇava: A Baahubali-esque tycoon with Circuit’s loyalty, in a shiny suit with a 20-foot tie shaped like a rupee note, juggling gold coins and riding an animatronic elephant that sprays bubbles, delivering lines with epic reverb.Leva Patidar Vaiśya. A respectable merchant caste. Milk curdled in Vedas, and churned in stocks and mutual funds!
Bureaucrat Buffoon: A Golmaal-style comic sidekick with Lage Raho Munna Bhai’s bumbling professor energy, in a khaki suit with a comically oversized briefcase that leaks fake electoral bonds, tripping over props like a Rajpal Yadav character.
Prologue
Setting: A neon-lit stage, a grotesque temple-cum-Bollywood set styled as a Dabangg temple with Lage Raho Munna Bhai radio booth vibes, bathed in gold wash with disco-ball reflections. Stage Left features a gold-plated ISKCON altar with an animatronic Krishna as a Krrish superhero, juggling flaming credit cards and inflatable electoral bonds. Stage Right has a Lage Raho Munna Bhai-style radio booth with a “Gandhigiri” mic shooting bubbles. Center Stage hosts a Paramavaiṣṇava logo slot machine spewing glitter, rubber ducks, and “Gandhigiri” flowers. The LED backdrop flashes Gita verses in Comic Sans with dancing emojis, morphing into Paramavaiṣṇava ads with Jai Ho dancers and “Ishwar Allāh Tero Nām” in neon.Sound: The Osibisa version of “Raghupati Raghava Raja Ram” begins with percussive Afrobeat, layered with cartoon “boings,” rubber chicken squawks, and Dabangg whistles. A Lage Raho Munna Bhai “Raghupati Rāghav” jingle underscores the satire.Lighting: Gold wash with haze machine pumping “sacred vape clouds” laced with glitter. White spotlight for “Ishwar Allāh” moments, red strobes for corporate chaos, green lasers for political caricature. UV light makes Chorus signs glow (“404: Dharma Not Found,” “Ishwar Allāh Tero Nām”).
Raghupati Raghava Raja Ram
(Osibisa Version)
रघुपति राघव राजाराम, पतित पावन सीताराम ॥
सीताराम सीताराम, भज प्यारे तू सीताराम ॥
ईश्वर अल्लाह तेरो नाम, सबको सम्मति दे भगवान ॥
सुंदर विग्रह मेघश्याम, गंगा तुलसी शालग्राम ॥
भद्रगिरीश्वर सीताराम, भक्तजन प्रिय सीताराम ॥
जानकीरमणा सीताराम, जय जय राघव सीताराम ॥
रघुपति राघव राजाराम, पतित पावन सीताराम ॥
सीताराम सीताराम, भज प्यारे तू सीताराम ॥
Roman Transliteration
Raghupati Rāghav Rājārām, Patit Pāvan Sītārām ||
Sītārām Sītārām, Bhaj Pyāre Tu Sītārām ||
Ishwar Allāh Tero Nām, Sabko Sammati De Bhagwān ||
Sundar Vighraha Meghashyām, Gangā Tulsī Shālgrām ||
Bhadra Girīshwara Sītārām, Bhaktajan Priya Sītārām ||
Jānakīramana Sītārām, Jai Jai Rāghav Sītārām ||
Raghupati Rāghav Rājārām, Patit Pāvan Sītārām ||
Sītārām Sītārām, Bhaj Pyāre Tu Sītārām || 1
Group Choreography for Raghupati Raghava Raja Ram
Performance Context: It blends the Osibisa version’s Afrobeat energy with the Gandhian version’s interfaith message, using Lage Raho Munna Bhai-inspired “Gandhigiri” gags to satirize corporate spirituality and political hypocrisy. The choreography incorporates Bharatanatyam, Bollywood masala, Afrobeat grooves, and comedic gestures, with props and costumes enhancing the play’s deranged, psychedelic aesthetic.
Duration: Approximately 4 minutes (aligned with the Osibisa track’s runtime, adjusted for “Ishwar Allāh” inclusion).
Group Size: 12–16 dancers (Chorus of Ghosts: Gandhi, Narsinh Mehta, DHFL victims; plus political caricatures: Saffron Supremo, Crony Paramavaiṣṇava,BureaucratBuffoon).
Dance Style: Fusion of Bharatanatyam (devotional precision), Bollywood masala (theatrical flair), Afrobeat grooves (Osibisa’s rhythm), and Lage Raho Munna Bhai’s comedic “Gandhigiri” gestures (flower-throwing, radio mic poses, peace signs).
Duration: Approximately 4 minutes (aligned with the Osibisa track’s runtime). Group Size: 12–16 dancers (Chorus of Ghosts, including Gandhi, Narsinh Mehta, and DHFL victims, plus political caricatures: Saffron Supremo, Crony Paramavaiṣṇava, Bureaucrat Buffoon).
Dance Style: Fusion of Bharatanatyam (for devotional precision), Bollywood masala (for theatrical flair), Afrobeat grooves (to match Osibisa’s rhythm), and Lage Raho Munna Bhai-inspired comedic gestures (e.g., flower-throwing, radio mic poses).
Lights off abruptly. Afrobeat Raghupati Rāghav fades away. Sounds of three bullet shots heard along with “Hey Ram”. In the darkest proscenium, the alap part of Raga Mohan Kauns starts….
Vaishnava Bard enters
Jai Siyaram, spect-actors! Behold the Osibisa beat—black voices chanting Vaishnava hymns with Afrobeat fire! Do they grasp the song’s soul? Maybe not, but their rhythm shakes the heavens, crying for justice—Black Lives Matter, as do the 98% crushed by corporate gods!
This Rama ain’t the Sangh Parivar’s battle-cry Ram. No, this is the Rama of Sufis, Kabir, Gandhi, Bhavabhuti’s Uttararamacarita’s Ram, Tulsidas’ devotion—saluted with “Ishwar Allāh Tero Nām, Sabko Sammati De Bhagwān!” But in the BJP’s regime, this Gandhian chant “Ishwar Allāh Tero Nām, Sabko Sammati De Bhagwān” is buried under “Jai Shri Ram,” erasing Sita, our Siya Maiya, who once led and preceded the greeting.
Note the twist: Osibisa sings “सम्मति” (sammati), not “सन्मति” (sanmati). Sammati—agreement, democratic consent, born of rational discourse. Sanmati—wisdom, a virtuous mind. In this age of democratic decay and undeclared emergency, we embrace both, demanding justice amid corporate bhakti!
So, hail the andhbhakts—fanatic fans of the philanthropist, Paramavaiṣṇava Paramavaiṣṇava Esquire, CBE! The Story of whom I will represent to you. A Corporate-man preaching Gita, building temples in gated townships, and buying dharma with electoral bonds. Welcome to the circus of hypocrisy, where Krsna’s flute plays stock market jingles!
(Bard twirls ektara . Slot machine spews glitter, rubber ducks squeak. “Ishwar Allāh.” Chorus form, singing “Sabko Sammati De Bhagwān.” lights off. The jor part of Raga Mohan Kauns continues…….then fades away)
- Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram,
Uplifter of the fallen, Sita Ram.
Sita Ram, Sita Ram,
Chant, dear one, the name of Sita Ram.
God and Allah are Your names,
Grant wisdom to all, O Lord.
Beautiful form, dark as rain clouds,
You are Ganga, Tulsi, and Shaligram.
Auspicious Lord of the mountains, Sita Ram,
Beloved of devotees, Sita Ram.
Beloved of Janaki, Sita Ram,
Glory, glory to Raghava, Sita Ram.
Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram,
Uplifter of the fallen, Sita Ram.
Sita Ram, Sita Ram,
Chant, dear one, the name of Sita Ram. ↩︎
Act I
Of Caste, Cash, and Corporate Moksa
Setting: Corporate Dharma Auditorium: “Paramavaiṣṇava Vaikunth,” Thane—a grotesque temple-cum-Bollywood set, styled as a Dabangg temple with Lage Raho Munna Bhai radio booth vibes, where political caricatures cause filmi chaos.
Stage Design: Lights dim. Dhoom tanpura with Lage Raho Munna Bhai’s “Raghupati Rāghav” jingle blares. SB enters Stage Center, crown flashing, twirling iPhone like a Sholay prop, voguing with slow-motion head turns. Young boys bounce excitedly, waving selfie sticks. SB booming, striking a Sholay villain pose)
SB: Oye, young bhakts of the Paramavaiṣṇava Gita Gang! Have you heard the divine wisdom of our Paramavaiṣṇava, Paramavaiṣṇava Esquire, CBE, and his devi, Dr. Hati Paramavaiṣṇava? Arre, their Gita lectures are pure moksa, served with a side of corporate karma!
(Snaps selfie with iPhone, crown flashes “#BhaktiBoss.” Slot machine spews glitter.)BOY 1 (starstruck, waving mini Gita, LED wristband flashing):
BOY 1 : Bhaiyya, I saw their TEDx talk on YouTube! Paramavaiṣṇava Sir said, “Krishna’s niskama karma means maximizing shareholder value!” So cool, na?
(Takes selfie with plastic Krishna figurine, chanting “Jai Shri Ram!”)
SB (grinning, tossing inflatable electoral bond that explodes into glitter):
Haan, beta! That’s the modern Gita—Arjuna’s chariot is now a Rolls-Royce, and Krishna’s flute plays stock market jingles! The Paramavaiṣṇava couple’s lectures are like Baahubali’s dialogue.
BOY 2 (bouncing, LED sneakers flashing):
And Hati Ma’am said, “Chapter 9, Verse 32—Māṁ hi pārtha vyapāśritya—even Vaiśyas like us can attain moksha if we donate to temples!” So we donated to Paramavaiṣṇava Vaikunth’s Radha-Govind temple, right?
(Waves selfie stick, plastic Krishna dances to Dhoom beat.)
SB (cackling, spinning saffron wallet that spews bubbles)
Correct, my young bhakt! That temple’s Italian marble screams bhakti, no? Built in their gated township, where Krishna’s darshan comes with a QR code for “Karma NFTs”! The Paramavaiṣṇava’s don’t just preach Gita—they’ve branded it!
(Slow-motion head turn, iPhone flashes Gita app with “#MoksaGoals.” Backdrop shows Paramavaiṣṇavaad with Jai Ho dancers.)
BOY 3 (excited, tossing mini Gita that deflates with a fart sound):
Bhaiyya, I heard Sir’s Gandhi Foundation speech! He said, “Gandhi’s trusteeship is like CSR—corporates holding wealth for society!” Is that why he took over DHFL? To, like, liberate the depositors?
(Chorus in background hisses, waving “Moksa = Money Laundering” signs.)
SB sweating, adjusting crown, which sparks:
SB: Arre, don’t ask tricky questions, beta! That DHFL takeover was… uh, karmic restructuring! Paramavaiṣṇava Sir liberated those 6,15,000 depositors from the burden of their fixed deposits! Pure Gandhian sacrifice, no?
(Fumbles iPhone, drops it. Rubber duck squeaks “Ishwar Allāh.”)
BOY 4 (confused) But bhaiyya, my nana lost his pension in DHFL… and Gandhi’s ghost on Twitter said it’s “spiritual embezzlement.” What’s that?
(Chorus cackles, tossing rubber ducks. Animatronic Krishna juggles bonds.)
SB (panicking, waving saffron wallet frantically): Twitter ghosts? Fake news, beta! Gandhi’s ghost is just jealous of Paramavaiṣṇava Sir’s gated Vaikuntha! Their Gita lectures are divine—Hati Ma’am says, “Yoga is work-life balance for CEOs!” And Sir’s “Arjuna mindset” means crushing competitors with SLAPP suits!
(Vogues, wallet spews bubbles. Backdrop flashes “Karma Crypto” ad.)
BOY 1 (cheering, LED wristband flashing “Jai Shri Ram”):
Wah, bhaiyya! So their Gita is, like, a startup pitch for moksa? I’m joining their Bhakti Club—free Wi-Fi in the temple, right?
(Takes group selfie with boys, plastic Krishnas bobbing.)
SB: (triumphant, raising iPhone like a Sholay rifle):
Haan, beta! Paramavaiṣṇava’s Gita is the ultimate IPO—Initial Piety Offering! Chant “Jai Shri Ram,” swipe for salvation, and invest in their dharma! Who needs Sita when you’ve got CSR?
(Slot machine erupts with glitter, rubber ducks squeak “Raghupati Rāghav.” Chorus throws “Gandhigiri” flowers.)
BOYS (in unison, waving selfie sticks, chanting):
Jai Shri Ram! Jai Paramavaiṣṇava! Gita Zindabad!
(They break into a Jai Ho-style dance, tossing mini Gitas that deflate with fart sounds. SB vogues, crown flashing, as backdrop shows Paramavaiṣṇava in a saffron tuxedo riding a disco-ball elephant.)
CHORUS OF GHOSTS (sneering, waving LED signs under UV light):
Ishwar Allāh Tero Nām, Sabko Sammati De Bhagwān!
Corporate bhakti, a gilded sham—Paramavaiṣṇava’s Gita, a billionaire’s scam!
(Toss rubber ducks and flowers, lights strobe red, slot machine spews bonds. Curtain falls as SB trips over an inflatable Gita, muttering “Jai Shri Ram!”)
Cut to:
Green spotlight on AT
AT: By the way. what is Paramavaiṣṇava’s caste?
SB: (proudly, striking a Sholay villain pose, crown flashing): Leva Patidar Vaiśya. A respectable merchant caste. Milk curdled in Vedas, and churned in mutual funds!
(Fumbles iPhone, takes selfie with Paramavaiṣṇava bobblehead, crown tilts, spraying confetti.)
AT: Ah, a Vaiśya. One of the trader-borns. And what does your Bhagavad Gītā say about the Vaiśya lot?
“Māṁ hi pārtha vyapāśritya ye ’pi syuḥ pāpayonayaḥ—striyo vaiśhyās tathā śūdrās, te ’pi yānti parāṁ gatim.” Chapter 9, verse 32.
Even those born in sinful wombs—women, Vaiśyas, and Śūdras—can attain the supreme goal by humbly surrendering to Krishna.
(Points to animatronic Krishna, which juggles flaming credit cards and belches fog. Crony Paramavaiṣṇava catches bonds in slow-motion, shouting “Bhai, yeh toh chemical locha hai!”)
AT (feigning awe, twirling Molotov-Gita like a Gully Boy prop):
SB: Ah yes—pāpayonayaḥ—the spiritually discounted. The caste-disadvantaged.They can attain liberation, sure…
AT: But only by surrendering, not by preaching from podiums with PowerPoint.
(Breakdances around SB, tossing inflatable rupees through “Gandhigiri” megaphone. Bureaucrat Buffoon trips in background.)
SB: (defensive, adjusting sequined kurta) It’s about bhakti! Not about caste!
AT: Indeed. So tell me: can a Vaiśya preach the Gītā? Not chant it in a corner—but teach it to the masses? Sell it at CEO conferences wrapped in saffron slide decks?
SB: (squirming, checking iPhone for “#BhaktiGoals”): Well… technically… in varnāshrama, teaching is reserved for Brahmins and Kshatriyas. :
AT: Exactly. The scripture you wave like a flag has a caste manual attached, no?
(Flips Molotov-Gita, LED flames flicker, pretends to read fine print with a comically oversized magnifying glass styled as a Sholay prop.)SANĀTANA BHAKT (nervously adjusting crown, which shoots sparks)
SB: But Paramavaiṣṇava built a temple! Sponsored discourses! Even quotes Krishna on his LinkedIn posts!
AT: So does that give him spiritual immunity?
AT: Let me rephrase: If a pāpa-yoni builds a temple inside a luxury gated complex, Does it grant him an honorary Brahmin badge?
SB: It’s seva!
AT: Seva, or strategic asset allocation? The Paramavaiṣṇava don’t teach Gītā because they surrendered.They teach it because they acquired it—like distressed debt with electoral bonds as the new yajña.
(Confetti cannons fire glittery rupees, slot machine jingle blares, animatronic peacock drops inflatable bonds, Crony Paramavaiṣṇava juggles them in a Baahubali pose, shouting “Bhai, yeh toh chemical locha hai!”)
AT (leans in, juggling flaming credit cards): So let’s make this simple: “Striyo, Vaiśyās, Śūdrās…”—your holy text literally throws them into the sin-born bin. And yet here comes Paramavaiṣṇava, a glorified trader with animal spirit, Lecturing Brahmins on liberation
Cut to:
From the VIP lounge of Sri Sri Radha Govindadeva Mandir, Thane.
SB: (whispering, sweating glitter): Well… maybe it’s because he funds the BJP?
AT (cackling, doing a Gully Boy rap pose with “Gandhigiri” megaphone): Ahhh. So in your Sanātana Dharma, salvation isn’t reserved for the twice-born… It’s auctioned off to the highest donor?
(Saffron Supremo vogues with microphone, shouting “Gandhigiri Murbad!” in slow-motion.)
SB: (weakly, fanning with saffron wallet that spews bubbles): But… it’s for dharma!
AT: No, it’s for dividends. Corporate bhakti with a tax exemption. (loudly, striking a Dabangg hero pose on lectern): So to sum up—Paramavaiṣṇava a pāpayoni Vaiśya, buys the right to preach the Gītā by wiring a few crores to the ruling party and dropping a temple next to luxury apartments–it is ecologically vulnerable zone.
Bard enters–singing poet Jayadeva’s dasavatara strotra (from Gitagovinda)
pralaya-payodhi-jale dhṛtavān asi vedaḿ
vihita-vahitra-caritram akhedam
keśava dhṛta-mīna-śarīra jaya jagadīśa hare
“O Kesava! O Lord of the universe! O Lord Hari, who have assumed the form of a fish! All glories to You! You easily acted as a boat in the form of a giant fish just to give protection to the Vedas, which had become immersed in the turbulent sea of devastation”.
Bard (laughing): Glaciers are melting rapidly Oh, sinful men! See what have you done to our planet, None, even Vishnu the capitalist wont rescue the planet from the turbulent sea of devastation. We are within the great dissolution.
(Bard exits)
SB: (red-faced, trembling, crown explodes in fireworks) You’re twisting Sanātana Dharma!
AT: No sir, I’m just reading it back. With footnotes. Now run along…Before I quote Manusmṛti next.
SB (panics, retreats):Jai Shri Ram! Jai Shri Ram!
(Sprints offstage, tripping over inflatable bonds, wallet spewing bubbles. Dhoom “Jai Shri Ram” remix with “Raghupati Raghav” undertones blares with rubber duck quacks. Bureaucrat Buffoon trips again.)AT (to audience, tossing Molotov-Gita like a Gully Boy mic):
(Moonwalks off Stage Left, blowing kisses, inflatable Gita deflates with a fart sound, Chorus throws “Gandhigiri” flowers.)
CURTAIN
ACT-II
Gita for Greed™: The Corporate Charkha Con
A luxury apartment near a marble ISKCON temple inside “Paramavaiṣṇava Vaikunth,” Thane. A silk-clad Sanātana Bhakt sips tulsi chai.
Vaisnava Bard Enters with Tears and Mockery
[Stage Lights: Dim Amber + Haze Machine]
A faint golden glow spills over center-stage, like the last oil flame of a dying temple lamp. A single silhouette slowly walks in — the Vaishnava bard, barefoot, white kurta slightly torn, holding an ektara or tambura. Behind them, the LED projection screen reads:
“Striyo vaiśhyās tathā śūdrās te ’pi yānti parāṁ gatim” — Gita 9.32
Even women, merchants (Vaiśyas), and workers (Śūdras) can attain the Supreme Path… if they surrender.
Suddenly, the Sanskrit line flickers and dissolves — morphing into a stock price graph of Paramavaiṣṇava Enterprises Ltd., showing a vertical climb.
[Sound Cue: Traditional Tambura Drone + A Faint Newsroom Voice]
“Paramavaiṣṇava’s Group sees record quarterly profits… investors hail corporate dharma…”
[Music builds: The bard sings – slower, sorrowful, and ironic, revisiting the same bhajan:]
Gujarati Lyrics
વૈષ્ણવ જન તો તેને કહીએ જે, પીડ પરાઈ જાણે રે,
પર દુઃખે ઉપકાર કરે તોયે, મન અભિમાન ન આણે રે.
સકળ લોકમાં સહુને વંદે, નિંદા ન કરે કેની રે,
વાચ કાછ મન નિશ્ચલ રાખે, ધન ધન જનની તેની રે.
સમદ્રષ્ટિ ને તૃષ્ણા ત્યાગી, પરસ્ત્રી જેને માત રે,
જીહવા થકી અસત્ય ન બોલે, પરધન નવ ઝાલી હાથ રે.
મોહમાયા વ્યાપે નહિ જેને, દ્રઢ વૈરાગ્ય જેના મનમાં રે,
રામ નામ શૂં તાળી લાગી, સકળ તીરથ તેના તન મન રે.
વણલોભી ને કપટ રહિત છે, કામ ક્રોધ નિવર્યા રે,
ભણે નરસૈંયો તેનું દર્શન કરતાં, કુળ એકોતેર તાર્યા રે.
Hindi Translation
वैष्णव जन तो तेने कहिए जे, पीड पराई जाणे रे,
पर दुःखें उपकार करे तोये, मन अभिमान न आणे रे.
सकल लोकमां सहने वन्दे, निंदा न करे केनी रे,
वाच काछ मन निश्चल राखे, धन धन जननी तेनी रे.
समदृष्टि ने तृष्णा त्यागी, परस्त्री जेने मात रे,
जीहवा थकी असत्य न बोले, परधन नव झाली हाथ रे.
मोहमाया व्यापे नहि जेने, दृढ वैराग्य जेना मन मा रे,
राम नाम शूं ताळी लागी, सकल तीरथ तेना तन मन रे.
वणलोभी ने कपट रहित छे, काम क्रोध निवरया रे,
भणे नरसैंयो तेनु दर्शन करता, कुळ एकोतेर तार्या रे.
A true Vaishnava feels the suffering of others,
Does good for those in pain — without letting ego swell.
They bow before all, never speak a word to wound,
Their words, deeds, and thoughts stay pure — blessed is the womb that bore them.
They look upon all with equal eyes, untouched by greed,
And see every woman — except their own — as mother.
Their tongue refuses to speak falsehood,
Nor do they desire the wealth of another.
Worldly ties cannot bind them, for they’ve renounced within,
Their heart forever sings the name of Ram.
In them, all holy places live — not just in stone,
Their every breath becomes a prayer.
Free of deceit, desire, and wrath,
Narsinh says: “To behold such a soul… is to redeem generations.”
[As the song continues, satirical projections appear behind them—images of DHFL victims, a smiling Paramavaiṣṇava couple with folded hands, BJP leaders blessing their CSR lecture series, and the Gita cover pasted onto financial reports.]
BARD (in a low voice, after singing):
“In this age of Bhakti and Bonds… even sinners turn saints—if they pay well enough.”
He gently laughs.
Then walks to the edge of the stage, breaking the fourth wall.
Mini-Monologue
BARD (direct to audience):
“Once upon a time, a Gītā verse led one to renunciation.
Now, it leads… to brand value.” (pauses)
“They preach Krsna… but live like Kamsa.
They quote Dharma… while hoarding in Demat accounts.” (sits down, begins plucking tambura again)
This Bard then stays seated silently through the first few minutes of Act II, like a living conscience (Viveka), reacting subtly to the dialogues that follow — nodding, sighing, even weeping or chuckling — anchoring the hypocrisy of the stage.
SB (grinning smugly):
You, Urban Naxal, lied yesterday, O leftist! You twisted the Bhagavad Gītā!
My friend, who chants but doesn’t pay taxes, told me the full verse:
Even Vaiśyas like Paramavaiṣṇava can attain moksa—if they surrender to Krsna.
AT (deadpan):
Surrender, is it?
To Krishna or to corporate immunity clauses?
SB (defensive):
Paramavaiṣṇava built a temple, okay? Within his own gated township!
Radha-Govind ji reside amidst Italian marble and air-conditioned bhakti.
AT:
Of course. Nothing says devotion like 3-tier security, spa retreats, and IPO-ready idols.
Let’s test his bhakti against your Gandhi’s favorite bhajan.
Ready for a spiritual audit?
Chorus (in melodic echo):
Vaiṣṇava jana to tene kahiye je, pīḍa parāī jāṇe re…
AT:
Q1. Does Paramavaiṣṇava feel the pain of others?
A: Yes. That’s why he felt the pain of investors so deeply… he swallowed their money to relieve them of it.
Score: -10800 crores.
SB (sweating):
But… but he helped build housing for Krishna!
AT:
Q2. Does he help without pride?
No—he posted it all over PR brochures.
Charity with logos. Dharma with corporate fonts.
SB:
But he’s humble! He bows to saints and Swamijis!
AT: (mocking tone):
Q3. Bows to Swamijis?
But does he bow to the pensioners he defrauded?
Does he do dandavat before victims of DHFL?
Chorus (dryly):
Watch your balance sheets, O Bhakt of Profit!
AT:
Q4. “Samadrishti – sees all as equal.”
Did he?
Or did he see senior citizens as “haircuts”?
And auditors as… dinner guests?
SB (mumbling):
That’s unfair… he channeled money to spirituality!
AT:
Oh yes, he channeled it alright.
From depositors to cronies to lawyers to Krishna…
…and now he lectures on the Gītā?
A Vaiśya teaching scriptures in Sanātana order?
What happened to “śrotriyas, kshatriyas, tapasvins”?
SB (waving a Bhagavad Gita app on his iPhone):
But… caste is not rigid anymore. Modi said so!
AT: (laughs):
Yet you still call Dalits “pāpayoni”!
Selective Sanātana Dharma much?
Chorus (singing softly):
“Mohamāyā vyāpe nahi jene…”
(Untouched by illusion)
AT:
Illusion? Paramavaiṣṇava is illusion!
He turned the Gītā into a PowerPoint for investor summits!
He turned vairāgya into a gated community with a Krishna gym and 24/7 security.
SB:
But the temple is in memory of his mother…
AT:
…whose spirit now watches her son use Krishna as a front while people queue up outside NCLT with unpaid FD receipts.
SB:
He’s a true Vaiṣṇava!
AT:
Then where is his truth?
Where is his renunciation?
Where is his surrender?
In electoral bonds?
In boardroom mantras?
Chorus (Gandhi’s ghost steps forward, holding a charkha):
“Businessmen building temples to erase their sins—
Is not bhakti.
It is spiritual embezzlement.”
AT: (final blow):
Let me quote Narsinh Mehta’s last line:
“By seeing such a person, one’s entire lineage is saved.”
But seeing Paramavaiṣṇava’s bhakti?
Only one’s audit trail is lost.
SB (shaking, collapses before a marble Krishna murti):
Jai Shri Ram!
AT: (with a cynical smile):
Yes. Jai Shri Ram.
The new brand ambassador of Corporate Dharma™.
The bard sings:
“Corporate Vaishnava To…”
To be delivered with exaggerated piety and fake humility — while background visuals show stock tickers, luxury cars, and corporate temples.
सच्चा वैष्णव वही जो दुख को आंकड़ों में पढ़े,
मदद करे जब CSR फाइल करना हो, और हर काम में “ब्रांड वैल्यू” देखे।
सबको प्रणाम नहीं, बस निवेशकों को सलाम,
वाणी, आचरण और मन—सब PR एजेंसी के हवाले, धन्य है उसका अकाउंटेंट।
सबको समान देखे—या तो साधन या बाधा,
और हर महिला को “माँ” कहे… जब तक अनुबंध न साइन हो।
जिसकी ज़बान से सच कभी ना फिसले—क्योंकि वो बस PowerPoint में होता है,
और जिसकी नज़र बस दूसरों की संपत्ति पर टिकी हो।
मोह से अछूता—बस मंदिर के भूमि-लीज़ और नामकरण तक,
राम नाम वही जपे जब IPO बेल बजे।
हर तीर्थ उसके भीतर—जब तक उसे मुनाफे में बदल सके,
और उसका हर श्वास ESG रिपोर्ट में दर्ज हो।
लोभ, कपट, क्रोध सब कर लिया आउटसोर्स,
नरसिंह कहें—ऐसे जन को देखकर तो वंश नहीं, अंतःकरण डूब जाता है।
A true Vaishnava reads pain like stock trends,
Helps others—when it’s deductible—and never forgets to self-promote.
Bows to no one but investors, speaks ill of everyone behind closed doors,
Keeps their LinkedIn, PR, and offshore accounts aligned — blessed is their tax advisor.
Sees everyone equally—as tools or threats,
And calls every woman “Maa” until NDAs are signed.
Their tongue bends truth into quarterly earnings,
And desires only what’s not yet acquired — preferably someone else’s assets.
Untouched by attachments—except brand endorsements and temple naming rights,
Their mind chants “Ram Ram” only at IPO bell ceremonies.
Every holy site lives in them—once it’s privatized,
And each breath counts towards ESG scores and carbon offsets.
Free from ethics, but rich in jargon,
Narsinh would say: “Just looking at them… will bankrupt your soul.”Background projection: A morphing Gita verse (9.32) → Paramavaiṣṇava Group logo → “Ram Naam Bank Ltd.”
Music cue: A devotional bhajan morphs into a slick corporate jingle in Raag Mohan Kauns auto-tuned.
Prop suggestion: The bard holds a gold-plated Gita with a QR code sticker reading “Scan to Donate”.
CURTAIN
Act III
The Trial of Law Itself
Setting: A grotesque courtroom styled as a Dabangg police station fused with a Lage Raho Munna Bhai radio booth, a neon-drenched circus where justice is a corporate-sponsored slot machine. Stage Center features a judge’s bench shaped like a Paramavaiṣṇava logo slot machine, spewing “Moksa Mojitos,” inflatable electoral bonds, and rubber ducks. Stage Left has Gandhi’s statue, oozing glitter tears under a disco-ball spotlight, with a neon sign flashing “Crying Since 1948” and an animatronic arm waving a tiny charkha that shoots confetti. Stage Right hosts a witness stand styled as a Jai Ho dance stage with a Lage Raho Munna Bhai radio booth, equipped with buzzers, bubble machines, and a “Spin the Dharma Wheel” sign. Lady Justice, a disco diva styled as a Chandni Chowk to China prop, juggles an inflatable cheque shaped like a lotus and a selfie stick shooting lasers. The LED backdrop projects: “Vaishnava Jana Capitalism presents: Rule of Law — Sponsored by Ram Naam Bank Ltd.” cycling with Gita verses in Comic Sans, Paramavaiṣṇava ads with Jai Ho dancers, and “Ishwar Allāh Tero Nām” in neon.
[PROJECTED ON SCREEN: “The Gandhi Foundation India — Board Members and Patrons”]
“Mr.Paramavaiṣṇava has actively supported Gandhian values of trusteeship and ethical business leadership.”
Dialogue and ActionLights up. Jai Ho jingle with “Raghupati Rāghav” remix blares. The LED backdrop flashes: “The Gandhi Foundation India — Board Members and Patrons” with “Mr. Paramavaiṣṇava has actively supported Gandhian values of trusteeship and ethical business leadership.” Gandhi enters Stage Right, staring at the screen, visibly confused and vexed, clutching his LED charkha. The Chorus of Ghosts sways in the background, waving “404: Dharma Not Found” signs. Lady Justice juggles a lotus-cheque, selfie stick shooting lasers. The slot machine spews glitter and rubber ducks.
GANDHI (vexed, spinning charkha, which sparks erratically):
What is this mockery? The Gandhi Foundation? I thought it was Tushar’s work—my great-grandson’s labour in Mumbai, carrying forward ahimsa and self-reliance! But this… this Paramavaiṣṇavas banner, flashing my name like a corporate logo? Arre, my charkha spins for truth, not for stock tickers!
(Charkha shoots confetti. Chorus tosses “Gandhigiri” flowers, hissing.)
BARD: O Bapu, your confusion is our pain! Tushar Gandhi’s Mahatma Gandhi Foundation breathes satyagraha—nonviolence, cooperation, the loom of self-reliance! But Paramavaiṣṇava’s Gandhi Foundation? A glitzy startup for “Bharat-building,” peddling leadership workshops and “Karma NFTs”! Bhai, yeh toh chemical locha hai!
SB: Arre, Gandhi-ji, don’t be so old-school! Gandhi Foundation is modern dharma—digitization, decentralization, youth empowerment! Paramavaiṣṇava Sir and Swati Ma’am are building Bharat with their Gita lectures, not spinning outdated charkhas!
GANDHI (frowning, charkha glowing white): Tushar’s foundation honors my call for ahimsa, resolving conflicts without fists or lawsuits. His peace awards and gatherings knit hearts across faiths—Ishwar Allāh Tero Nām. But Paramavaiṣṇava’s? It’s a corporate ashram, dressing profit in khadi, preaching trusteeship while hoarding wealth!
(Chorus waves “Moksa = Money Laundering” signs. Rubber ducks squeak “Ishwar Allāh.”)
BARD (cackling, twirling ektara-mic): Exactly, Bapu! Tushar’s foundation lifts the poor with egalitarian dreams—villages weaving their own destiny. Paramavaiṣṇava’s? It’s a TEDx stage for “Big Bets,” training youth to sell dharma via QR codes! One chants satyagraha, the other chants shareholder value!
(Shoots bubbles. Backdrop flashes Paramavaiṣṇava ad with Jai Ho dancers.) SB (defensive, tossing inflatable electoral bond that explodes into glitter):
Arre, Bard, you’re just jealous! Paramavaiṣṇava’s Gandhi Fellowship turns kids into CEOs of change—education, health, climate! Tushar’s talks are for bookworms; Paramavaiṣṇava’’s for billionaires! His foundation digitizes Bharat, not some backward village fantasy!
GANDHI (sternly, charkha spinning wildly):
Digitization without conscience is a cage of code. My trusteeship meant holding wealth for the people, not branding it for profit. Paramavaiṣṇava’s fellowship trains leaders to serve markets, not masses. Tushar’s work kindles swaraj—self-rule for all. Your patron’s “Bharat” is a gated township for the elite!
(Charkha shoots fireworks. Chorus tosses inflatable Gitas that deflate with fart sounds.)
(Crown sparks. Crony Paramavaiṣṇava juggles bonds on elephant, shouting “Chemical locha!”)
Cut To:
Set: A grand courtroom. Gandhi’s statue weeps in the corner. The Lady Justice blindfold is torn, holding a cheque instead of a sword. A screen projects:
“Vaishnava Jana Capitalism presents: Rule of Law — Sponsored by Ram Naam Bank Ltd.”
Bhajan-turned-jingle in Raag Mohan Kauns fades out.
Lights up. Jai Ho jingle with “Raghupati Rāghav” remix blares. Judge SLAPPavati lounges on bench, chugging “Moksa Mojito,” gavel squirting glitter. Gandhi stands at witness stand, spinning LED charkha. Mr. Paramavaishnava preens in the dock, 20-foot tie flashing. Chorus sways in background, waving “404: Dharma Not Found” signs. Saffron Supremo vogues Stage Right with confetti microphone, Bureaucrat Buffoon trips Stage Left, leaking rupees.
JUDGE SLAPPAVATI (bored, slamming gavel, glitter erupts):
Order! Proceed with the case.
PROSECUTOR JANADHIKARAN (moonwalking, megaphone shooting bubbles): Mr. Gandhi, do you recognize the man in the dock, Mr. Paramavaishnava, esteemed patron of the Gandhi Foundation?
(Points at Paramavaishnava, who winks, tie flashing like a disco ball.)
GANDHI (spinning charkha, deadpan, styled as Lage Raho Munna Bhai’s Gandhi): Recognition is easy. Conscience is harder. He’s a merchant of morality, hoarding justice while preaching my trusteeship like a stock market mantra.
(Charkha shoots confetti. Chorus tosses “Gandhigiri” flowers.)
DEFENSE LAWYER LEGALSWAMI (voguing, tossing rubber chicken, cape spewing fog): Objection, Your Honour! Metaphorical defamation! My client is a philanthropist, not a profiteer!
(Crony Paramavaiṣṇava juggles bonds on elephant, shouting “Bhai, yeh toh chemical locha hai!”)
JUDGE SLAPPAVATI (chugging Mojito, twirling):
Sustained! Gandhi-ji, stick to facts. Philosophies don’t pay court fees!
(Audience laugh track. Backdrop: Gandhi’s quote—“Lawyers abet quarrels”—morphs into Paramavaiṣṇava ad with Jai Ho dancers.)
GANDHI (calmly, charkha spinning with slot machine sounds):
Facts? In my time, lawyers served truth, not invoices. Today, they’re brokers of silence, peddling legality for profit. This man’s wealth buys gavels, not justice.
(Lady Justice juggles lotus-cheque, selfie stick shoots lasers.)
PROSECUTOR JANADHIKARAN (breakdancing, megaphone blasts bubbles): Mr. Gandhi, in Hind Swaraj, you wrote that lawyers “advance quarrels” and “secure their own interest” over public good. How do you view Mr. Paramavaishnava’s legal team launching SLAPP suits to silence whistleblowers exposing the DHFL takeover?
(Backdrop flashes “DHFL: 6,15,000 Victims” with cartoon tears.)
GANDHI (firmly, charkha sparks): They are not lawyers but enforcers in suits. Courts were meant to resolve disputes, not bury truth under legal jargon. SLAPP suits are violence by paperwork, strangling the voice of the poor while the rich applaud.
(Chorus hisses, waving “Moksa = Money Laundering” signs. Rubber ducks squeak “Ishwar Allāh.”)
DEFENSE LAWYER LEGALSWAMI (smirking, moonwalking with rubber chicken): Is it not true, Mr. Gandhi, that you were a barrister? Didn’t you profit from the same system you now condemn?
(Vogues, cape spews fog. Bureaucrat Buffoon trips, briefcase leaks rupees.)
GANDHI (quietly, eyes piercing): Yes, I was a barrister. And I renounced it when I saw it fattened on others’ pain. I fought for justice, not fame or fees. Your client’s suits don’t seek truth—they buy silence, turning courts into auction houses for dharma.
(Charkha shoots sparks. Chorus throws inflatable Gitas that deflate with fart sounds.)J
JUDGE SLAPPAVATI (snapping, chugging Mojito): Enough moralizing! This is a modern courtroom—truth needs a PAN card and a balance sheet!
(Slot machine spews bonds. Audience laugh track. Saffron Supremo vogues, shouting “Gandhigiri Murbad!”)
PROSECUTOR JANADHIKARAN (leaping onto witness stand, Jai Ho pose):
Exhibit 108, Your Honour!
(Holds up props, tossing them for dramatic effect.)
- A gold-plated Bhagavad Gita used for PR, with a QR code for “Darshan Discounts.”
- Paramavaiṣṇava’s DHFL takeover via IBC, fleecing 6,15,000 depositors with coercive bidding.
- A Gandhi Foundation pamphlet claiming “trusteeship,” while SLAPP suits silence critics.
How does this align with your Hind Swaraj call for lawyers to uplift, not oppress?
(Tosses Gita; it deflates with a fart sound. Chorus cackles.)
DEFENSE LAWYER LEGALSWAMI (spinning, rubber chicken raised):
Your Honour, my client followed the law! DHFL was a business rescue, not a crime! His Gita lectures inspire millions, and his philanthropy funds temples!
(Cape spews fog. Crony Paramavaiṣṇava‘s elephant sprays bubbles, shouting “Bhai, yeh toh chemical locha hai!”)
GANDHI (interrupting, charkha spinning wildly): Law without dharma is a hired clerk of capital. Philanthropy that masks theft is not charity—it’s deceit. Your client’s Gita is a PowerPoint, his trusteeship a press release. He builds temples in gated townships while pensioners beg outside NCLT.
(Backdrop flashes DHFL victims’ faces. Chorus tosses rubber ducks.)
BARD: O spect-actors! The same Paramavaiṣṇava who fleeced DHFL depositors, silenced whistleblowers with SLAPP suits, and turned Krishna’s wisdom into a CEO seminar dares to lecture on Gandhi’s ethics? Arre, this is not trusteeship—it’s spiritual bankruptcy!
(Shoots bubbles from ektara-mic, mimics Munna Bhai’s shoulder shrug. Chorus sings “Ishwar Allāh Tero Nām.”)
JUDGE SLAPPAVATI (slamming gavel, glitter explodes): Silence! Moral arguments are inadmissible without a corporate sponsor! Mr. Gandhi, your final word on this courtroom?
GANDHI (rising, charkha glowing white): This is no temple of justice. It’s a showroom of legality, where the rich buy silence and the poor rent suffering. In Hind Swaraj, I warned that lawyers prolong disputes for profit. Today, they weaponize law to bury truth. Your client’s wealth is no virtue—his courts are cages, his Gita a gilded sham.
(Charkha shoots fireworks. Chorus forms heart shape, singing “Sabko Sammati De Bhagwān.”)
PROSECUTOR JANADHIKARAN (breakdancing, megaphone blasts):
One last question, Gandhi-ji! If lawyers should serve the poor, as you urged, what would you tell Mr. Paramavaishnava, who sits on the Gandhi Foundation while crushing the powerless?
GANDHI (slowly, with gravitas): I’d say: “Return the stolen wealth to the 6,15,000 you betrayed. Trade your SLAPP suits for satyagraha. If you claim my trusteeship, hold wealth for the people, not for profit. And if you preach the Gita, live its truth—don’t sell it.”
MR. PARAMAVAISHNAVA (nervously, tie flashing, juggling gold coins):
But… but I built a temple! I’m a Vaiśya, not a sinner! My CSR is my dharma!
(Elephant burps fog. Chorus hisses, waving “Moksa = Money Laundering” signs.)
BARD (cackling, twirling ektara-mic): CSR? Arre, that’s Corporate Swindling Religion! Your temple’s a tax shelter, your Gita a branding stunt. Gandhi-ji’s charkha spins truth—you spin profit!
(Shoots bubbles, does Munna Bhai’s hug gesture. Backdrop flashes “Karma Crypto” ad.)CHORUS OF GHOSTS (singing, tossing inflatable Gitas and flowers):
रघुपति राघव राजाराम, पतित पावन सीताराम ॥
ईश्वर अल्लाह तेरो नाम, सबको सम्मति दे भगवान ॥
Corporate bhakti, a gilded scam—Paramavaiṣṇava’s law, a billionaire’s jam!
(Rubber ducks squeak “Ishwar Allāh.” Saffron Supremo vogues, shouting “Gandhigiri Murdabad!”)
Musical Interlude (1:00):
Music: Osibisa’s Raghupati Rāghav (https://youtu.be/CgWXIyuQX24) with Afrobeat rhythm, layered with Lage Raho Munna Bhai jingle.
Choreography:
- Chorus: Forms a circle, performing Jai Ho-style Bollywood spins and Bharatanatyam mudras (hamsasya for devotion), tossing “Gandhigiri” flowers and inflatable Gitas that deflate with fart sounds. On “Ishwar Allāh,” dancers form a heart shape, symbolizing unity.
- Vaishnava Bard: Leads with Dhoom-style hip shakes, twirling ektara-mic, shooting bubbles, shouting “Bhai, yeh toh chemical locha hai!”
- Gandhi: Spins charkha, glowing white, doing slow Lage Raho Munna Bhai peace signs.
- Saffron Supremo: Vogues with confetti microphone, striking Singham poses, shouting “Gandhigiri Murdabad!”
- Crony Paramavaiṣṇava: Juggles bonds on elephant, which sprays bubbles, shouting “Chemical locha!”
- Bureaucrat Buffoon: Trips in a Golmaal pratfall, briefcase leaking rupees, muttering “Jai Shri Ram!”
Props: Inflatable Gitas explode, “Gandhigiri” flowers thrown, rubber ducks squeak, slot machine spews glitter.
JUDGE SLAPPAVATI (slamming gavel, fireworks erupt):
Case adjourned! Justice is on hold until the next electoral bond and PM CARES clear!
(Backdrop flashes “Ram Naam Bank Ltd.” with dancing Krishna emojis. All exit in a chaotic Jai Ho dance, tossing flowers and ducks)
CURTAIN
Act-IV
The Trial of Truth
Setting: A cyberpunk “truth slaughterhouse” styled as a Robot sci-fi set with Lage Raho Munna Bhai’s radio booth and Gandhi posters, a neon-drenched nightmare where justice is a corporate-sponsored Bollywood circus on acid.Stage Design:
Center Stage: A judge’s bench shaped like a giant Paramavaiṣṇava logo slot machine, with holographic “TRUTH = 404 ERROR” warnings and a vending machine spitting “Karma Kola” and inflatable bananas, styled like a Chandni Chowk to China prop with Lage Raho Munna Bhai’s “Raghupati Raghav” banners.
Stage Left: The AT in glowing data-cord shackles, wielding a typewriter that shoots sparks, confetti, and rubber ducks, styled as a Guide protagonist with Munna Bhai’s heart.
Stage Right: A public gallery with holograms of journalists, lawyers, and Paramavaiṣṇava’s legal team doing synchronized Jai Ho dances with inflatable Gitas, joined by Saffron Supremo and Crony Paramavaiṣṇava, broadcasting “Gandhigiri zindabad!” like Munna’s radio show.
Backdrop: LED screen flashing Gandhi’s face morphing into Paramavaiṣṇava’s, with a ticker: “Truth = Defamation? Buy Our Moksa App!” and dancing Krishna emojis riding animatronic elephants in a Baahubali war sequence.
Visual Gags (Bollywood-inspired with Lage Raho Munna Bhai flair):
A giant inflatable Paramavaiṣṇava head styled as a Devdas prop hovers above, winking and burping fog, dropping rubber chickens that sing “Raghupati Raghav” in chipmunk voices.
The judge’s bench has animatronic arms that juggle gold coins, squeaky Krishna figurines, and inflatable electoral bonds, styled as a Robot prop.
A “Truth Shredder” machine styled as a Sholay villain’s lair chews up fake documents and spits out glitter, bubbles, and rubber ducks, with Bureaucrat Buffoon trapped inside, leaking rupees, shouting “Bhai, yeh toh chemical locha hai!”
Saffron Supremo vogues with a confetti microphone in a Singham slow-motion fight pose, broadcasting “Gandhigiri Murdabad!” while Crony Paramavaiṣṇava’s elephant sprays fog and drops inflatable Gitas in a Baahubali cascade.
House lights on. Jai Ho jingle with “Vande Mataram” remix blares. The LED backdrop flashes: “Paramavaiṣṇava Vaikuntha: Where Dharma Meets Dividends” with Paramavaiṣṇava in a photoshopped khadi suit, juggling gold bars under a disco ball.
Plainclothes Officer and Guards storm through the audience, firing glitter and inflatable bananas from selfie-stick bazookas, tossing “Gandhigiri” flowers to spect-actors. Saffron
Supremo vogues Stage Right, shouting “Gandhigiri Murdabad!” The inflatable Paramavaiṣṇava head burps fog, dropping rubber chickens singing “Vande Mataram” in chipmunk voices.
PLAINCLOTHES OFFICER (posing for fake paparazzi, megaphone blaring):
You! Debaprasad Bandyopadhyay, alias “The OBMA AT”? You’re under arrest under DPDPA Section 6(5) and Contempt of Brand Authority Act for writing against Mr. Paramavaiṣṇava without his biometric consent!
(Guards fire bazookas, bananas fly. Spect-actors wave “Gandhigiri” flowers. Crony Paramavaiṣṇava catches a banana, shouting “Bhai, yeh toh chemical locha hai! AT rising, typing on spark-shooting typewriter, styled as a Guide hero with Munna Bhai’s heart)
AT: Arrested for a pen, not a pistol? Paramavaiṣṇava had file a ridiculous 100cr case against me for defaming him. That was cancelled by the Bombay High Court. A common man could defeat a Billionaire!
I cited RTIs, news reports, audit leaks, Supreme Court judgments! Is truth now a ₹500 crore fine?
(Typewriter shoots rubber ducks squeaking “Vande Mataram.” Spect-actors toss flowers back, LED wristbands flashing.)
POLICE GUARD (doing a Dhoom dance, firing inflatable bananas):
You have the right to remain silent, but silence won’t save you from the Brand Ethics Council!
(Drags AT through aisle, glowing data-cords flashing. Spect-actors shouting for justice, tossing inflatable Gitas. Bureaucrat Buffoon trips inside Truth Shredder, leaking rupees.)
Lights shift to courtroom. AT in glowing shackles, typewriter spewing ducks. Chief Justice lounges on bench, wig shooting fireworks. The Truth Shredder chews documents, spitting glitter. Gandhi spins LED charkha Stage Left, glaring at backdrop flashing Paramavaiṣṇava’s Gandhi Foundation logo.CHIEF JUSTICE (game-show host voice, slamming neon gavel, fireworks erupt)
PROSECUTOR AI: Proceed with the Trial of Truth!
(Backdrop: “Paramavaiṣṇava champions Gandhian business ethics.” Paramavaiṣṇava head winks, burping fog. Spect-actors chant “We Want Justice!”)
PROSECUTOR AI (chipmunk voice from Krishna-drone, googly eyes wobbling, shooting bubbles):
The accused violated the Digital Personal Data Protection Act with 17 articles against Mr.Paramavaiṣṇava, citing:
- Insider Trading (2016): SEBI’s ₹6 lakh fine for lapses, overturned by SAT.
- Digwal Pollution (2018–2019): NGT slammed Paramavaiṣṇava for environmental harm.
- Flashnet Scam (2018): ₹48 crore shares at a 1,00,000% premium to Piyush Goyal’s firm.
- DHFL Acquisition (2021–2022): ₹94,000 crore assets snatched for ₹34,250 crore, robbing 6,15,000 depositors.
- Omkar Loan Probe (2021): ₹2,000 crore loan, shielded by Delhi HC.
- Shriram Stake Sale (2024): SEBI flagged compliance issues.
- Legal Intimidation: SLAPP suits via DSK Legal to gag dissent.
- Mergers/Rebranding: 2022–2024 restructurings to dodge accountability.
- Religious Hypocrisy: Gauḍiya Vaiṣṇava mask for unethical deals.
- Real Estate Ecocide: Flood-prone towers with one-sided contracts.
(Drone glitches, spewing bubbles. Chorus waves “404: Dharma Not Found” signs. Spect-actors boo, tossing flowers.)
VAISHNAVA BARD (entering, twirling ektara-mic, Devdas sobs):
O spect-actors! Without consent or sanitization by any Brand Ethics Council, behold Paramavaiṣṇava’s sins!
- DHFL Acquisition: Stole ₹94,000 crore for ₹34,250 crore, leaving pensioners penniless! Arre, that’s not a deal—it’s a heist!
- CoC Manipulation: Rigged bids, valued ₹38,000 crore loans at one rupee! Bhai, that’s not resolution—it’s a scam!
- Crony Lawyer Contracts: Hired DSK Legal to slap SLAPP suits, silencing truth-tellers! Yeh is corporate Dabangg-giri!
- Gandhi Foundation Hypocrisy: Preaches trusteeship while fleecing the poor, branding satyagraha as a TEDx talk! Chemical locha in khadi!
(Shoots bubbles, mimics Munna Bhai’s shoulder shrug. Spect-actors chant “Vande Mataram!” tossing inflatable Gitas.)
SB: Lies! Paramavaiṣṇava’s a Vaiśya saint! His ₹85 crore BJP bonds are patriotism, his DHFL deal saved jobs, his Vaikunth towers uplift Mumbai! Tushar Gandhi’s foundation is for hippies; Paramavaiṣṇava’s builds Bharat!
(Snaps selfie with iPhone, saffron wallet spews bubbles. Saffron Supremo shouts “Gandhigiri Murdabad!” Spect-actors boo, tossing flowers.)
AT: (rapping, Molotov-Gita blazing, typewriter shooting ducks):
Saint? Yo, he’s a scamster in saffron! SEBI fined him for insider trading, NGT roasted his Digwal pollution, and Flashnet’s ₹48 crore screams BJP nexus! His Vaikunth risks ecocide, drowning Mumbai while chanting Radhe Radhe! Truth or bust, no corporate trust!
(Typewriter sparks. Chorus tosses inflatable Gitas that deflate with fart sounds. Spect-actors cheer, waving LED wristbands.)
GANDHI (spinning charkha, glowing white):In Hind Swaraj, I warned of merchants and lawyers exploiting public trust. Paramavaiṣṇava’s empire—built on stolen wealth, silenced dissent, and mangled mangroves—mocks my satyagraha. Tushar’s foundation weaves ahimsa; Paramavaiṣṇava’s weaves profits, selling my name like a Karma NFT.
(Charkha shoots fireworks. Chorus waves “Moksa = Money Laundering” signs. Spect-actors chant “Bande Mein Tha Dum!”)
PARAMAVAIṢṆAVA’S LAWYER (LEGALSWAMI) (voguing, twirling “SLAPP Daddy” cape, fog spewing): Objection! The accused calls my client a “Vaishnava capitalist” and “Weaponizer of Philanthropy”! His mergers are legal, his real estate world-class, and SAT cleared his insider trading!
AT: He sells painkillers and funds temples to mask the pain, He manufactures I-Pill to kill embryo, but Gandhi didn’t wear such khadi hypocrisy! I cited public records—RTIs, NCLAT verdicts, OBMA leaks. Is truth now a ₹500 crore fine?
CHIEF JUSTICE (robotic, slamming neon gavel, wig shooting fireworks): You’ve undermined India’s Data Sovereignty! Fined ₹500 crore and banned from publishing for 99 years under the Right to Forget the Truth Act!
AT: (to audience, breaking fourth wall): They erased Gandhi’s words with laws, now they erase ours with brands. But ideas, like revolutions, don’t seek biometric consent!
(Guards drag AT off in glowing data-cords)
BARD (twirling ektara-mic, sings a Lage Raho Munna Bhai mic):
Vaishnava jo na likhe sach, paisa jiske paas ho touch…
O spect-actors, the truth is shredded, but defiance lives! Paramavaiṣṇava’s empire buries satyagraha under bonds and SLAPP suits, but our pens outlast their gavels!
(Shoots bubbles, does Munna Bhai’s hug gesture. Backdrop flashes Gandhi’s quote: “Freedom of speech means nothing if the powerful decide the truth.” Spect-actors chant “Bande Mein Tha Dum!”)
Jane Bhi Do Yaaro Ending with O Aaja Re Musical Finale (1:30)
The Truth Shredder jams, spewing glitter and rubber chickens. The inflatable Paramavaiṣṇava head deflates with a fart sound, revealing a banner: “Bapu Aaja Re!” Gandhi, AT, and Chorus break free, storming the stage in a chaotic dance, tossing “Gandhigiri” flowers. Saffron Supremo and Crony Paramavaiṣṇava flee, chased by rubber ducks. Bureaucrat Buffoon is stuck in the Truth Shredder, screaming “Chemical locha!” as it explodes in a shower of glitter, bananas, and bonds. The slot machine jackpots, unfurling a banner: “A true lawyer resolves quarrels, not exploits trust — M.K. Gandhi, Hind Swaraj.” Spect-actors join the chaos, waving LED wristbands and tossing flowers.
Musical Finale Song: O Aaja Re (from Lage Raho Munna Bhai)
Lyrics (Excerpt, Adapted for Context):
Devanagari:
ओ आजा रे, माटी पुकारे तुझे देश पुकारे
आजा रे अब आजा रे, भूले हम राहें हमें राह दिखा दे
ऐनक पहनें लाठी पकड़े, चलते थे वो शान से
ज़ालिम काँपे थर-थर, सुनकर उनका नाम रे
बंदे में था दम, वंदे मातरम
भाई-भाई का दुश्मन है बना रे, नफ़रत की आँधी बहती रे
वेहशी दिलों को अब प्यार सीखा दे, आजा रे बापू मेरे
झूठ का बढ़ता जाए राज ओ बापू, अपने ही हो गए धोकेबाज़
आज हमें अपनों से बचाने, आजा रे बापू मेरे
पाई-पाई में इंसान बिका रे, जान ये हो गयी सस्ती रे
सोया ज़मीर बापू फिर से जगा दे, आजा रे बापू मेरे
बंदे में था दम, वंदे मातरम
Roman Transliteration:
O Aaja Re, Maati Pukaare Tujhe Desh Pukaare
Aaja Re Ab Aaja Re, Bhoole Hum Rahein Hamein Raah Dikha De
Ainak Pehne Laathi Pakde, Chalte The Wo Shaan Se
Zaalim Kaampe Thar-Thar, Sunkar Unka Naam Re
Bande Mein Tha Dam, Vande Mataram
Bhai-Bhai Ka Dushman Hai Bana Re, Nafrat Ki Aandhi Behti Re
Vahshi Dilon Ko Ab Pyaar Sikha De, Aaja Re Bapu Mere
Jhooth Ka Badhta Jaaye Raaj O Bapu, Apne Hi Ho Gaye Dhokebaaz
Aaj Hamein Apnon Se Bachane, Aaja Re Bapu Mere
Paai-Paai Mein Insaan Bika Re, Jaan Ye Ho Gayi Sasti Re
Soya Zameer Bapu Phir Se Jaga De, Aaja Re Bapu Mere
Bande Mein Tha Dam, Vande Mataram English Translation:
Come, O Bapu, the land and nation call you!
Come now, show us the path we’ve lost.
With glasses and staff, he walked with pride,
Tyrants trembled hearing his name.
There was strength in that man, Vande Mataram!
Brother turns against brother, hatred storms through,
Teach wild hearts love again, come, O Bapu!
Lies rule the land, our own betray us,
Save us from our own, come, O Bapu!
Humans sold for pennies, life cheapened,
Awaken our sleeping conscience, come, O Bapu!
There was strength in that man, Bapu Aaja Re
!Choreography (1:30, with Audience/Spect-Actor Participation):
Music: O Aaja Re with its soulful Bollywood melody, infused with Lage Raho Munna Bhai’s emotional Gandhian vibe, layered with tanpura drones, Jai Ho beats, and cartoon “boings” for absurdity.
Performance Context: The choreography blends Bollywood masala (theatrical flair), Bharatanatyam mudras (devotional precision), Lage Raho Munna Bhai’s comedic “Gandhigiri” gestures (flower-throwing, peace signs), and audience interaction to evoke a collective call for truth and defiance against corporate tyranny.
Group Size: 12–16 dancers (Chorus of Ghosts, Gandhi, AT, Vaishnava Bard, plus political caricatures: Saffron Supremo, Crony Paramavaiṣṇava, Bureaucrat Buffoon), with spect-actors joining from the audience.
Stage Direction:
- Vaishnava Bard: Leads Stage Center, twirling ektara-mic like a Lage Raho Munna Bhai radio DJ, shooting bubbles, sobbing like Devdas, beckoning spect-actors to join with “Gandhigiri” flowers.
- Gandhi: Spins LED charkha Stage Left, glowing white, doing slow Lage Raho Munna Bhai peace signs, symbolizing Bapu’s return.
- Atheist (AT): Breakdances Stage Right, tossing Molotov-Gita, typewriter shooting ducks, rapping “Truth or bust!”
- Chorus of Ghosts: Forms a semicircle, holding inflatable Gitas and “Gandhigiri” flowers, swaying under UV light, with LED wigs flashing “Vande Mataram.”
- Saffron Supremo: Vogues Stage Right with confetti microphone, striking Singham poses, shouting “Gandhigiri Murdabad!” but slipping on bananas.
- Crony Paramavaiṣṇava Rides animatronic elephant Stage Left, juggling bonds that explode into glitter, shouting “Chemical locha!”
- Bureaucrat Buffoon: Trips in a Golmaal pratfall inside Truth Shredder, leaking rupees, screaming “Bhai, yeh toh chemical locha hai!”
- Spect-Actors: Ushers distribute “Gandhigiri” flowers and LED wristbands pre-show. Spect-actors are cued to stand, wave wristbands, toss flowers, and chant “Bande Mein Tha Dum!” during the finale, joining the stage chaos.
Choreography: - On “O Aaja Re, Maati Pukaare” (0:00–0:15): Chorus sways in a semicircle, performing Bharatanatyam mudras (hamsasya for devotion, pataka for calling Bapu), tossing “Gandhigiri” flowers to spect-actors, who toss them back. Vaishnava Bard leads with Bollywood hip shakes, twirling ektara-mic, shooting bubbles. Spect-actors wave LED wristbands in rhythm.
- On “Ainak Pehne Laathi Pakde” (0:15–0:30): Gandhi spins charkha, stepping forward with slow Lage Raho Munna Bhai peace signs, mimicking Bapu’s walk.
- On “Bande Mein Tha Dam, Vande Mataram” (0:30–0:45): AT breakdances, tossing Molotov-Gita, typewriter shooting ducks. Chorus forms a heart shape, raising Buddha’s Jnanamudra signs. Spect-actors stand, waving wristbands, shouting “Bande Mein Tha Dum!” as ushers cue them to toss flowers.
- On “Bhai-Bhai Ka Dushman Hai” (0:45–1:00): Saffron Supremo and Crony Paramavaiṣṇava attempt Singham poses but slip on bananas, chased by Guards firing glitter. Chorus performs Bollywood shoulder shrugs, tossing ducks. Spect-actors join, mimicking shrugs, throwing flowers, and chanting “Aaja Re Bapu Mere!”
- On “Jhooth Ka Badhta Jaaye Raaj” (1:00–1:15): Vaishnava Bard leaps onto judge’s bench, twirling ektara-mic, shooting bubbles, shouting “Chemical locha!” AT and Gandhi join, raising fists in defiance.
- On “Paai-Paai Mein Insaan Bika Re” (1:15–1:30): Truth Shredder explodes, spewing glitter, bananas, and ducks. Paramavaiṣṇava head deflates, revealing banner: “Bapu Aaja Re!” All performers and spect-actors form a giant heart shape, tossing flowers and ducks, chanting “Bande Mein Tha Dum, Vande Mataram!” as the slot machine jackpots, unfurling Gandhi’s quote: “Freedom of speech means nothing if the powerful decide the truth.”
Climax: Guards slip on bananas, Chief Justice’s wig explodes in fireworks, Bureaucrat Buffoon tumbles out of Truth Shredder, and Saffron Supremo and Crony Paramavaiṣṇava flee, chased by ducks. AT breaks free, rapping “Truth or bust!” as spect-actors flood the stage, waving wristbands, tossing flowers, and singing “Vande Mataram!” in a Jane Bhi Do Yaaro-style chaotic triumph of defiance.
CURTAIN FALLS as the audience is pelted with “Gandhigiri” flowers and rubber ducks, with a final chipmunk-voiced “” echoing.
